The Birds and the Bees
by Pikaskye
Summary: It started when Wendy asked a simple question to Natsu. When everyone realized that the older Dragon Slayer didn't know the answer... all hell breaks lose. short one-shot.


"Natsu-san, what are the birds and the bees?"

It was a normal day in Fairy Tail. The sun was shining, everyone was drunk, and Gray and Gajeel were in the background fighting and creating a ruckus. Natsu Dragneel was sitting on one of the tables with Happy, his flying cat partner, arguing with him about who would win in a fight, when—

"Natsu-san, what are the birds and the bees?" Wendy, the cute little blue-haired Dragon Slayer, asked. She had walked up to them, always polite, looking up at the older Dragon Slayer with rounded, pleading orbs.

Natsu looked over and blinked with his wide onyx eyes, wondering why she would ask such an absurd question. "Uh, Wendy, why do you ask that?" he raised an eyebrow.

"Well, I heard Macao and Wakaba talking about it, so I asked Carla, but then she flew off. She looked quite surprised." Wendy explained. "And I want to know what the birds and the bees are."

Cana, the female mage with the title of Fairy Tail's heaviest drinker, was behind them; leaned in smirking, interest spiking when she heard the conversation.

Natsu shrugged. "Well, birds are animals with wings and beaks and feathers, kinda like Happy or Carla, but they're usually smaller. Bees are tiny, fat little fuzz balls that are yellow and black, and they have stingers that can sting you." Natsu, thinking his job was done, turned back to Happy.

Suddenly, Cana howled behind them, falling off her barstool chair but not caring. Everyone looked over at the next-to-tears drunk, who was clutching her stomach and laughing hard enough that there were tears falling down her face.

"OH MY GOD!" she howled. "Natsu doesn't know what The Talk is!" everyone's heads turned to the pink-haired EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD idiot. He blinked, and then his facial expression turned into one of annoyance. "Wendy asked me what the birds and the bees were, and I was wondering why she asked that, but I told her that birds and bees were little creatures that could fly and were black-and-yellow." He explained, not getting it.

The whole guild erupted into laughter. "I didn't know Natsu was THAT stupid!" "How old is he?" "We never even thought to teach him the basics?" "No wonder why he has no attraction to women!" Natsu stood up, pissed that everybody was laughing at him.

"What are you guys laughing for?" he demanded. "Wendy just asked me a simple question!" the Fairies started wiping tears from their eyes and got up on their feet, still giggling softly. It took everyone a second to regain their composure.

"Now who's teaching him?" somebody called. Everyone looked around and zoomed in on Natsus closest female partner, Lucy, a blonde Celestial Spirit mage. Her face turned beet-red.

"No way am I teaching Natsu what the birds and the bees are!" she stammered, waving her hands in front of her face.

"Come 'on!" "Teaching about Manliness is Man!" "Someone's gotta do it!" "Go Lu-chan!"

"NO WAY!" Lucy looked away, blushing furiously. "I AM NOT TEACHING NATSU ABOUT THE TALK!"

Natsu folded his arms across his chest. "Come 'on Luce. I wanna know what the birds and the bees are. It can't be that bad, can it?" Lucy fainted from pure shock and pressure, falling backwards, luckily landing into Mira-Jane's arms. Mira chuckled and brought the poor girl to the infirmary.

Finally, someone spoke up. "I will teach Natsu the birds and the bees!" everyone froze. It was Erza Scarlet, Titania, who showed no embarrassment and never backed down from a challenge.

Uh-oh.

"Natsu, when a mother and a father love each other very much-"

"Like how Igneel loved me?"

This was going to be a VERY long talk.

* * *

Two hours later, Natsu was sitting back at his table, face sweating nervously, looking shocked, and his fingernails had dug into the wood enough that the marks would stay there permanently. With help from the whole guild, lead by Titania, they finally got through Natsus dense head what the birds and the bees were. Luckily, they had brought Wendy, Romeo, and the poor Exceeds outside first.

Everyone sighed once they thought everything was accounted for. Natsu was stupid sometimes, and they had finally drilled it through his head.

Lucy came out of the infirmary. "Is it done yet?" she inquired. Everyone nodded, sighing in relief.

So, was everything done yet, this minor hurdle passed by the Fairy Tail guild? Everyone had finally managed to drill this horrifying new information into the Dragon Slayers head? No, of course not.

"I don't get it." everyone, except Natsu, collapsed.

* * *

**Just a short little one-shot that I thought of recently. Did you laugh? Please review if you did!**


End file.
